Monday, July 26, 2010

One step forward...

Not quite two steps back.

I'm so horribly unmotivated.

...I suffer from a chronic lack of motivation, really. It's a terrible attitude to have where, if activities require any sort of effort, they aren't worth doing. Because they *are* worth doing. Plain and simple.

And yet something keeps me glued to one spot and unable to get up and do anything else. Some secret unhappiness, some hidden insecurity, concealed self-loathing holds me.

And that's that.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Well... So much for accountability, right?

Maybe I just need the right amount of fits and starts before I get puttering along for real.

I've been thinking a lot about Etsy. I started a shop. At this point, I'm not going to even bother linking, as there's really nothing in it. You can either sit in suspense, or stalk me and find it yourself, if you really want to know. ^_^ I'll give you a hint, it's called The Raven's Nest, due to my perpetual obsession with feathers and shiny objects.

I have a "garden" out back of the house. Just two big rubbermaid tubs growing potatoes and green beans. The one bean plant that survived half-drowning and being eaten by neighborhood rabbits has beans already. I'm kind of proud of it for succeeding, after I had basically given up on everything. I need a more focused plan for gardening... and I need a house and an environment that I'm really invested in.

After four months of unemployment, I finally cashed in on a job. I work in a high-end men's salon downtown. I go to work in a penthouse every day. It's... interesting. Not where I thought I'd end up, and not among people I ever thought I'd be around, but it's teaching me a little. A little about good customer service, and a little about business. Which is a good thing, since I know almost nothing about business.

I often think of myself in terms of Thomas Edison. Edison was a brilliant inventor, but when it came to marketing himself and his inventions, he was a total failure. Electricity would never have taken off, if he hadn't let Henry Ford take care of his marketing. Now that's something to think about.

I feel like I have all sorts of ideas swimming around in me, all sorts of creative endeavors waiting to burst through the surface. And I've been holding myself back. I'm afraid to make that leap. Afraid of being rejected. So paralyzed, I can't even look at the bags of feathers I own.

Part of it is an utter lack of inspiration. The materials I currently have to work with are cheap, and so the end product becomes cheap. I've been saving via PayPal for awhile, to come up with an investment in some nice quality feathers, but the real issue is me just jumping in head first, and to hell with everything else.

...In completely unrelated news, if anyone knows a fairly quick way to cut the shank off a button (or multiple buttons), I'd be super grateful. I tried hacking at one with an X-acto, but I was probably more likely to take off a finger than ever get the shank off the button. I use buttons quite frequently in my designs, and the ones with larger shanks really become difficult to place.