Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Woe is me

There is a lot I should be updating here, but I'm actually... at work and not supposed to even be here... Oops.

Over the last nine months, I have been employed processing insurance applications for a business in the northern Chicago suburbs. It's decent work, and it pays ok. But *I* am an Artiiist, and I cannot subsist on such soul-crushing boringness.

So I spend every penny and then some to self-medicate. Another coffee, one more trip to the Arby's on the way home. A new doll (0r four). I drown myself in excess and ice cream, hoping to kill the emptiness that comes from being unfullfilled in one job, but too afraid of both the possible success and failures of making the leap and doing something you really love.

So, here I am, after nine months of self-destruction and making excuses for why I just *can't* strike out on my own... I'm completely destitute. No savings, maxed credit card, just as unhappy as I was yesterday, and utterly trapped.

The silver lining in all this has to be that part of the final blow to my finances comes in the form of the costume pieces for my first two burlesque pieces, one group act, and my solo debut act. With these pieces, I'll finally be able to start making back some of the money I've spent... Earmarking performance payments as investments on future acts. It will be a long, painfully slow road, but I'll soon have a portfolio built up, and be on my merry way.

Unfortunately, that leaves me with the day-job, and $2500 in credit card debt. I've spent the better part of the day drafting up a tentative budget, putting myself on a cash-o-rexic diet, and planning to stash my credit card as soon as I get back home.
I'm terrified of facing six months of ramen noodles, peanut butter sandwiches, and mashed potatoes, even more terrified of not being able to stop off for a frilly coffee drink whenever I feel like it. I'm afraid I'm stretching my money too thin, trying to pay off the card quickly, while still not giving up expenses like the money I set aside to take classes. (Classes in things like Burlesque and maskmaking, not, like, school or anything) And in the midst of all this, I'm winding up to start a business venture of my own, in the hopes that I can get that on its feet at the same time I'm getting back up on mine. It's been a long time since I put together a fascinator, and I'm a little wiser in terms of construction techniques... I've been stalking Etsy like a madman, trying to pick up any tricks that I can... And I'm finally ready to get going with my life.

So... six months from now, I'll have far less debt hanging over my head. I'll be entirely sick of Ramen, peanut butter, AND mashed potatoes. I'll be yearning for a shopping spree. But, hopefully, I will also be an established performer, a diligent student of art, and a budding businesswoman. Hopefully, when that day comes, I'll be ready to stand on my feet, get out of the suburbs, and really be able to enjoy the city that I gave up so much for.