I... kind of lost my train of thought with my last post. I was listening to records and zoned a little.
So I'm back!


I'd like to make being here a little more of a habit. In the imaginary land where I have time and energy to do anything, ever.

But I did realize something today. I like to be in bed by about ten o'clock on weekdays. Not sleeping, since I typically don't get around to that until about 11:30. But I like to be settled in and decompressing by about ten. But I get home from work by seven. (or, I did when I wasn't in rehearsal every day.) So I'm trying to iron out what I can be doing with those three hours that sit there between work and sleep, to make my days a little more bearable. Some nights, dinner and a shower are going to take up most of that time. But I want to make the most of what I have.

So I think I'm going to try and avoid the computer until 10 on worknights. If I get home at seven, there's still a little light, and I do live right across the street from the park, so I can at least fit some walking into my schedule. In addition, I have 500 pages of my sewing book to plow through, and a resparked interest in Parsons' fashion design program.



Ok. Parsons. Yes, Parsons The New School for Design. As in: where Project Runway films. Last winter, when I was confused and jaded and desperate for a change, I actually had the crazy idea to apply to Parsons' photography BFA program. Mind you, I never actually *submitted* my application. But I did attend an info session here in Chicago, and I started everything, before I realized that going back to school was the *last* thing I needed to do while in a compromised mental state.

And, right now, thinking about going to school for fashion design is putting the cart miles ahead of the horse, seeing as, though I can sew, I have never made a finished, human-size garment. But I was looking at their curriculum, and it was like looking at a laundry list of things I'm dying to learn. Patternmaking (both flat pattern and draping), Millinery, a course on making shoes, accessory design, knitting (both hand-knitting and machine). All things I've been saying that I need to find a way to learn. (please note that I do know how to hand-knit, though I rarely finish projects). But, how fun would it be to go back to school knowing one of your semester projects was to KNIT A SWEATER. And make shoes!

The only wrench in the cogs of this fantasy is that I no longer have ANY desire to leave Chicago. I love my city dearly, and I really don't relish the thought of going anywhere, much less leaving all the friends (and connections!) I've gathered here. I could always leave and come back, but two cross-country moves in three years would be insane.

So I looked at Columbia's curriculum (I also looked at Columbia for Photography last year, as my hometown backup plan... but never followed through) and their program has some interesting differences. For one, they require their fashion design majors to take photography courses, which is *impossible* at Parsons. But they entirely omit shoes AND (shockingly) accessories from their curriculum. They had a millinery class, and a jewelry design class, but nothing beyond that.

Lastly, I took a look at SAIC's website, which is insane to try and navigate. They have a fashion program, but I was completely unable to find the required courses.




I mean, this is really just me living in a dream world right now, but it's an option for my future. Going to school would mean a three-year hiatus from any serious work in the theatre, and I'm not sure how that would turn out for me. I suppose I'll just have to see what happens.

focus

Every time I come here, all I seem to say is that I've been away, and that it sucks. So I'll tell you what's really been going on.

I've been working for the last... seven months. The epitome of the 9-to-5. (except that it's really 8:30-5:30) It's the longest I've ever spent continually in one day job. That should be impressive. That should also make you think that I'm happy, finally able to settle into one thing without changing my mind for a whole seven months!

Not really. The day-job is in the northern suburbs, which means I have something like an hour and 20 minute commute in *either* direction. Plus I'm doing a show (that I open next weekend!) so I never see home. I've been blowing all the money I make at this job on fast food (because I'm not at home to cook) and cheap thrills, because I cannot stand this life I'm living, but I don't see a way out of it, so I have to make it as tolerable as possible.

Nevermind that the $2000 credit card bill makes things kind of intolerable.


But I got kind of a wake up call recently. So I've decided to do something. To move my cemented feet. To stop *talking* about doing something different, and to start *doing* something different.


And maybe, just maybe, one of these days, I'll be able to get out of this cycle, and live for myself.