Adventure time

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, about what's going to happen to me come Fall.  I'm (obviously) not going back to school this year (I wasn't accepted to the program I applied to, but we'll go for it again next year).  Kenneth has told me over and over again that I need to get out of Provision, and I know he's right.  I know he is.  But, somehow, I keep thinking that maybe I'd stick around for a couple extra months, which would suck me into another season, which would keep me there another year.  And I really just don't think I can take it. 

The thought of searching for another day job is enough to give me fits of anxiety.  It's really the last thing I want to do.  I don't want to admit defeat and crawl home, I don't want a new day job, my whole plan for Singing Raven is hackneyed by lack of time, money, energy, everything.  And I don't want it to be.  Somehow, when other people decide that they're going to make something happen, they do it.  They find the resources.  They find the place that will nurture them and get them moving on the right path. 

I want to do that.  I want to find that way.  I want to figure out how to finance it, and where to go, and just fucking DO. IT. ALREADY.  Because I'm tired of being someone else's doormat. 

I'm not even prepared to wait for fall.  I don't want to think that way anymore.  I don't want to sit here at the desk that's never been mine, and look at the clock and think... once this next show is over...

I'm having such a hard time realizing that I don't have all the answers.  I'm not magically imbued with everything I need to succeed.  It's not a bad thing.  It's just that... I need other people.  I need other people for SO many reasons.  Even if it's just to drag me out of the house long enough to notice that there's a help wanted sign in my neighborhood, that I might not have to make this crazy commute every day.  Or to tell me about some nifty free seminar, or book recommendation, or place to go to ask for information.  I don't have eyes everywhere in the universe.  I can't be in every corner of the city at once to see these things.  But other people can see them, and my friendship with them can make their accessibility so much easier. 

As absurd as it sounds, I've been neglecting the one rule I thought was obvious to me from the start.  It's WHO, not WHAT you know. 

A day of rest

It isn't often that I get a day of rest. 

The truth of the matter is, five years into my Chicago adventure, I'm still just as awful at managing my money and time as I ever was.  I have, at least, gotten better at habitually doing things that pay me, rather than doing things that require a constant flow of spending money. 

But I did indulge today, and headed out into the wild, wide world (ok, my neighborhood) with my cousin.  My cousin who lives barely half a mile from me, whom I haven't seen in about six months.  Because we're both very similar in disposition, and prefer to decompress on our own. 

We went out for coffee and sandwiches, and to wander the shops, and generally just ogle all the things I wish I could thoughtlessly indulge in.  It was a good time. 

Two weeks from now, I will be elbows-deep into what could be my last rodeo as a Stage Manager ever. Depends on how I feel once it's said and done.  It'll be an adventure.  Today, at least, was a day of rest.

What have you been up to, Raven Gemini?

What HAVE you been up to, Raven Gemini?

Well, aside from my recent renaissance (this always seems to happen in the springtime), I really haven't updated much since September.  Which is understandable, considering the time I've been having since then. 

I got fired.  But not really.  I got "laid off" because there was no money to pay me during the beginning of our season this year, but I never actually stopped working, and I managed to get paid all the same.  It's a long story. 

I spent a long time being shaken by that, and allowing it to breed a lot of stress that shouldn't have even existed into my life. 

I continued to build my Burlesque repertoire, including semi-retiring one of my first acts.  (It might come back in the near future, in an altered state)

You can find those videos here:

http://vimeo.com/59413253
http://vimeo.com/61426308
and
http://vimeo.com/58280954

I've been slowly and quietly building momentum for my photography business in the background.  It's not happening as quickly as I would like, but nothing ever does.

I applied to Columbia!  And got rejected.  But I applied.  And I will again next year, with a more cohesive portfolio, and maybe some classes under my belt.

All in all, I've been moving myself into a better situation, slowly but surely.  

Singing Raven Portraits?

Singing Raven doesn't get a whole lot of opportunity to shoot portraits, but I did shoot a fun, snowy little session with my Mister, Kenneth over Christmas break.

The best shot to come out of that would have to be this one:

He looks so grumpy, but it's just such a striking image. 

Singing Raven Photography

Have I mentioned I take photographs?  Of course I have.  I've beat to death the notion that I am the photographer who doesn't photograph, that there are so MANY reasons why I can't just bugger off and do as I please. 

There really aren't that many reasons.  The biggest one is probably actually depression, which can be significant, but I've been good for a bit, so work's been getting done. 

I take photographs.  Live performances, mostly.  I'd like to shoot bands, but I also do some theater and burlesque work as the need arises.  Comes with the territory of being a burlesque-dancing photographer, whose day job just happens to be for a theater. 

You can check out my photos at www.facebook.com/singingravenphotography

Nifty, yes?