If you build it... you've just built a thing.

What a post to leave off on, eh?  Since you've last seen me, I've closed one show, finished a run of burlesque performances that other people are saying were my best EVER (which... if that's the case, DAMN, I could be fantastic if I stopped concentrating on being mediocre.), and signed my soul away to one last ride with Provision Theater (we just can't stop abusing each other, let's be honest).  AND I went home to Michigan, to make an appearance at my ONLY high school friend's baby shower.  All in the last two weeks.

I've been a busy bee.  Busy enough that I haven't really been thinking about the big 'ole brick wall that's been plaguing me for months.  The fact is: there are some things that I do that I'm pretty damn good at, but I can't sell them to save my life. 

Case in point:  Photography.  There are PLENTY of mediocre (or worse) photographers out there that rake in a modest income.  There are.  I am lucky enough to be part of a community of REALLY EXCELLENT photographers at the CPC, people who push me and challenge me to be better at what I do, more resourceful, more clever, work harder.  But outside our little circle, there are tons of people who think that having a camera and Photoshop Elements qualifies them to charge a buttload of money to take other people's pictures.  AND PEOPLE PAY IT. 

Where the hell are those people coming from, and how do I reach them?

You're told over and over again that 'if you build it, they will come' (at least, if you're Kevin Costner.  Clearly, I am not.).  But the truth is... if you build it... you've just built this really neat thing.  No guarantee anyone will ever see the really neat thing.  I'm at the point in my journey that I realize that the truth involves a whole heck of a lot more work than that, but I'm completely lost as to where to go from here. 

Shot in the dark:  Anyone out there know what they're doing with marketing/promoting themselves?  My Facebook page should be less neglected, it's true.  But beyond that, I've passed out business cards to everyone I know, I advertise in Vaudezilla's show program (the burly-q community/audience is pretty close to the people I target), I tack up cards in every coffeeshop I visit. 

How do I get more IN YO' FACE about what I do?  How do I convince people that my product is totally worth paying for?

I should be working

Today, the 18th of February, I am making my 5th post of the year.  Last year, I only managed 5 posts in total.  Which... is a little sad, really. 

I should be working and, you know, actually earning the pittance I'm currently scraping together in my life as a freelance-everything, but instead, I'm going to tell you a little bit about what I envision this place to be on its way to becoming. 

This is my blog.  And right now, it's kind of a disorganized mess.  I do have a dedicated blog just for my photography endeavors, which you can find here.  You'll find all the information about the photos I take and the adventures I embark upon in the process over there.  You'll probably eventually find some of that here too, if we're honest.

I want this place to become an aggregation of the multiple artistic things I do, (photography, burlesque, theater, modeling, acting, sewing, writing... the list goes on) as well as a resource for other people who believe the only way they can exist is if they're making something.  Living on the edge of a knife.  Living without a net.

I want it to be a place where I can show off, where I can vent, where I can archive my work, and where I can share the numerous teachable moments I've had the fortune (or misfortune) to stumble across in my experience of living off the grid as a Freelance-Everything.

And I want to invite you to share the journey with me.  

Adventure time

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, about what's going to happen to me come Fall.  I'm (obviously) not going back to school this year (I wasn't accepted to the program I applied to, but we'll go for it again next year).  Kenneth has told me over and over again that I need to get out of Provision, and I know he's right.  I know he is.  But, somehow, I keep thinking that maybe I'd stick around for a couple extra months, which would suck me into another season, which would keep me there another year.  And I really just don't think I can take it. 

The thought of searching for another day job is enough to give me fits of anxiety.  It's really the last thing I want to do.  I don't want to admit defeat and crawl home, I don't want a new day job, my whole plan for Singing Raven is hackneyed by lack of time, money, energy, everything.  And I don't want it to be.  Somehow, when other people decide that they're going to make something happen, they do it.  They find the resources.  They find the place that will nurture them and get them moving on the right path. 

I want to do that.  I want to find that way.  I want to figure out how to finance it, and where to go, and just fucking DO. IT. ALREADY.  Because I'm tired of being someone else's doormat. 

I'm not even prepared to wait for fall.  I don't want to think that way anymore.  I don't want to sit here at the desk that's never been mine, and look at the clock and think... once this next show is over...

I'm having such a hard time realizing that I don't have all the answers.  I'm not magically imbued with everything I need to succeed.  It's not a bad thing.  It's just that... I need other people.  I need other people for SO many reasons.  Even if it's just to drag me out of the house long enough to notice that there's a help wanted sign in my neighborhood, that I might not have to make this crazy commute every day.  Or to tell me about some nifty free seminar, or book recommendation, or place to go to ask for information.  I don't have eyes everywhere in the universe.  I can't be in every corner of the city at once to see these things.  But other people can see them, and my friendship with them can make their accessibility so much easier. 

As absurd as it sounds, I've been neglecting the one rule I thought was obvious to me from the start.  It's WHO, not WHAT you know. 

What have you been up to, Raven Gemini?

What HAVE you been up to, Raven Gemini?

Well, aside from my recent renaissance (this always seems to happen in the springtime), I really haven't updated much since September.  Which is understandable, considering the time I've been having since then. 

I got fired.  But not really.  I got "laid off" because there was no money to pay me during the beginning of our season this year, but I never actually stopped working, and I managed to get paid all the same.  It's a long story. 

I spent a long time being shaken by that, and allowing it to breed a lot of stress that shouldn't have even existed into my life. 

I continued to build my Burlesque repertoire, including semi-retiring one of my first acts.  (It might come back in the near future, in an altered state)

You can find those videos here:

http://vimeo.com/59413253
http://vimeo.com/61426308
and
http://vimeo.com/58280954

I've been slowly and quietly building momentum for my photography business in the background.  It's not happening as quickly as I would like, but nothing ever does.

I applied to Columbia!  And got rejected.  But I applied.  And I will again next year, with a more cohesive portfolio, and maybe some classes under my belt.

All in all, I've been moving myself into a better situation, slowly but surely.  

Singing Raven Photography

Have I mentioned I take photographs?  Of course I have.  I've beat to death the notion that I am the photographer who doesn't photograph, that there are so MANY reasons why I can't just bugger off and do as I please. 

There really aren't that many reasons.  The biggest one is probably actually depression, which can be significant, but I've been good for a bit, so work's been getting done. 

I take photographs.  Live performances, mostly.  I'd like to shoot bands, but I also do some theater and burlesque work as the need arises.  Comes with the territory of being a burlesque-dancing photographer, whose day job just happens to be for a theater. 

You can check out my photos at www.facebook.com/singingravenphotography

Nifty, yes?