I was looking at my blog stats, and apparently, one person from the Czech Republic has viewed my blog.

You know you've made it when... ^_^


In all seriousness, I'm really just here to point you in the direction of

Raven Gemini

Also known as my burlesque alter-ego. I'll eventually have a real website for her. Just like I'll eventually blog on a regular basis. :P

Um... anyway. The whole point of this is to say that I will be performing (in my official DEBUT, no less) this Friday in Chicago. It's going to be fabulous. I'm sure video will be forthcoming.

Etsy!

...Apparently, one word titles with an exclamation point have become a thing. :P

No, I am just here to let you all know that my Etsy store is up and running! You can find me at:

The Raven's Nest

Right now, my shop is a little bit empty, since I've had about two seconds to do anything the last few weeks. But I did make myself a new fascinator, as a prototype for a new design I'd like to implement. And I also got to test out some new, improved construction techniques. So, a partial yay all around.

The other big news is that I'm leaving my current day-job to be the full time box office manager at a theatre I've been working with for the past year. It's nice to get to keep building relationships with people. It is a fairly large pay cut for me, but I think I'm going to be a little happier being with theatre people all the time.

To help ease that financial burden, I also brought my bike up from Michigan. Cycling is free, it's healthy, zillions of people in Chicago commute by bicycle... and it will allow me to decompress before I get home. I'm looking forward to hopping on that bike and zipping along the lakeshore.

Alrighty. Time to get this party started.

Bling!

Thanks to a power outage at work, which prevents us from operating... I'm on day three of an unexpected vacation. This has afforded me a LOT of time to get things done, as well as time to heal, rest up, and get my mind in a better place.

Since Monday, I have:
~Taken a walk every day (something I want to do regardless of my job situation)
~Finished sewing the vest for my debut burlesque costume
~Finished the pasties for said costume
~Rhinestoned one half of the bra for said costume (while listening to season 2 of MacGyver)
~Washed all the dishes in my sink
~Re-watched season 3 of RuPaul's Drag Race
~Checked out a book from the library (well... I had put it on hold last week, I picked it up today)
~Made a cherry pie


...I also have been making all kinds of excuses as to why I get to treat myself to lunch/dinner/ice cream/etc. Which is not so good for my budget, but the upside is that I haven't used the three-quarters of a tank of gas that I would have used to get to work the last three days... so I think it evens out.

I've been told we might also have tomorrow off, which means I will likely get to finish blinging out my burly-q costume (finishing the bra/panties, and then adding sequins), as well as photographing and posting on Etsy the 8 or 10 feather fascinators I haven't yet sold. I was going to photograph them today, but I've been having a hell of a time trying to find a place in my apartment that will make nice photographs. I'm settling on using my nifty looking radiator as a backdrop, but that means I need to wait for a time when the bright afternoon sun isn't streaming through that window. ...Also, I need to wash my floor, because this apartment is NASTY.

(It's a lot cleaner than it was last week, due to my having time to clean, but...)


It's... uplifting to be accomplishing so much. I have a hell of a lot more energy at the end of the day, and I feel like I'm accomplishing something worthwhile. I was afraid, by midafternoon yesterday, that I wouldn't be able to handle working for myself, now that I've got the chance for a mini trial-run. But really, I've gotten a lot done, and I've been pretty disciplined about sitting down to do my work.

I tend to be really... spacey about doing things, washing a dish, then coming back to watch an EPISODE of some show or other, but I'm tired of letting that be an excuse. So... at 8 this morning, there I was with Pandora playing on the countertop, buzzing through the whole sinkful. Learning how to manage myself is definitely going to be a learning curve, once I get there, but I'm starting to think I'll be ok.
Plus, this week is also proving that, once I *do* quit my day job once and for all, I'll spend at least a week doing basically nothing, until I get bored enough (and concerned enough about my income) to jump back up and take care of business. And I'm ok with that.


All I can say at this point is THANK GOD for unexpected vacation. It is exactly what I needed.

Raven Gemini

I've been realizing lately how terribly negative I am when it comes to my own accomplishments. And I'm setting out to change that.

Yes, I'm slower than a tree when it comes to making, doing, accomplishing. But there are a lot of reasons for that, and my goal now needs to be working within those reasons, instead of using them as an excuse, and getting down on myself for being useless. Because I've done a lot, in the grand scheme of things. I just need to foster the focus and discipline to really buckle down and make my life happen exactly the way I want it to.

Accomplishment of the week: I got myself a Chicago Public Library card. Which means I can take out all sorts of books to read up on starting a small business, not to mention honing my crafts.

Sort-of-accomplishment: I've been doing ok on the cash diet. I did use my card a little this week, but it's still under the limit, for the first time in three months. I'm having a tough time adjusting to not going out all the time... but I'll get better.

Woe is me

There is a lot I should be updating here, but I'm actually... at work and not supposed to even be here... Oops.

Over the last nine months, I have been employed processing insurance applications for a business in the northern Chicago suburbs. It's decent work, and it pays ok. But *I* am an Artiiist, and I cannot subsist on such soul-crushing boringness.


So I spend every penny and then some to self-medicate. Another coffee, one more trip to the Arby's on the way home. A new doll (0r four). I drown myself in excess and ice cream, hoping to kill the emptiness that comes from being unfullfilled in one job, but too afraid of both the possible success and failures of making the leap and doing something you really love.

So, here I am, after nine months of self-destruction and making excuses for why I just *can't* strike out on my own... I'm completely destitute. No savings, maxed credit card, just as unhappy as I was yesterday, and utterly trapped.

The silver lining in all this has to be that part of the final blow to my finances comes in the form of the costume pieces for my first two burlesque pieces, one group act, and my solo debut act. With these pieces, I'll finally be able to start making back some of the money I've spent... Earmarking performance payments as investments on future acts. It will be a long, painfully slow road, but I'll soon have a portfolio built up, and be on my merry way.


Unfortunately, that leaves me with the day-job, and $2500 in credit card debt. I've spent the better part of the day drafting up a tentative budget, putting myself on a cash-o-rexic diet, and planning to stash my credit card as soon as I get back home.
I'm terrified of facing six months of ramen noodles, peanut butter sandwiches, and mashed potatoes, even more terrified of not being able to stop off for a frilly coffee drink whenever I feel like it. I'm afraid I'm stretching my money too thin, trying to pay off the card quickly, while still not giving up expenses like the money I set aside to take classes. (Classes in things like Burlesque and maskmaking, not, like, school or anything) And in the midst of all this, I'm winding up to start a business venture of my own, in the hopes that I can get that on its feet at the same time I'm getting back up on mine. It's been a long time since I put together a fascinator, and I'm a little wiser in terms of construction techniques... I've been stalking Etsy like a madman, trying to pick up any tricks that I can... And I'm finally ready to get going with my life.

So... six months from now, I'll have far less debt hanging over my head. I'll be entirely sick of Ramen, peanut butter, AND mashed potatoes. I'll be yearning for a shopping spree. But, hopefully, I will also be an established performer, a diligent student of art, and a budding businesswoman. Hopefully, when that day comes, I'll be ready to stand on my feet, get out of the suburbs, and really be able to enjoy the city that I gave up so much for.

I... kind of lost my train of thought with my last post. I was listening to records and zoned a little.
So I'm back!


I'd like to make being here a little more of a habit. In the imaginary land where I have time and energy to do anything, ever.

But I did realize something today. I like to be in bed by about ten o'clock on weekdays. Not sleeping, since I typically don't get around to that until about 11:30. But I like to be settled in and decompressing by about ten. But I get home from work by seven. (or, I did when I wasn't in rehearsal every day.) So I'm trying to iron out what I can be doing with those three hours that sit there between work and sleep, to make my days a little more bearable. Some nights, dinner and a shower are going to take up most of that time. But I want to make the most of what I have.

So I think I'm going to try and avoid the computer until 10 on worknights. If I get home at seven, there's still a little light, and I do live right across the street from the park, so I can at least fit some walking into my schedule. In addition, I have 500 pages of my sewing book to plow through, and a resparked interest in Parsons' fashion design program.



Ok. Parsons. Yes, Parsons The New School for Design. As in: where Project Runway films. Last winter, when I was confused and jaded and desperate for a change, I actually had the crazy idea to apply to Parsons' photography BFA program. Mind you, I never actually *submitted* my application. But I did attend an info session here in Chicago, and I started everything, before I realized that going back to school was the *last* thing I needed to do while in a compromised mental state.

And, right now, thinking about going to school for fashion design is putting the cart miles ahead of the horse, seeing as, though I can sew, I have never made a finished, human-size garment. But I was looking at their curriculum, and it was like looking at a laundry list of things I'm dying to learn. Patternmaking (both flat pattern and draping), Millinery, a course on making shoes, accessory design, knitting (both hand-knitting and machine). All things I've been saying that I need to find a way to learn. (please note that I do know how to hand-knit, though I rarely finish projects). But, how fun would it be to go back to school knowing one of your semester projects was to KNIT A SWEATER. And make shoes!

The only wrench in the cogs of this fantasy is that I no longer have ANY desire to leave Chicago. I love my city dearly, and I really don't relish the thought of going anywhere, much less leaving all the friends (and connections!) I've gathered here. I could always leave and come back, but two cross-country moves in three years would be insane.

So I looked at Columbia's curriculum (I also looked at Columbia for Photography last year, as my hometown backup plan... but never followed through) and their program has some interesting differences. For one, they require their fashion design majors to take photography courses, which is *impossible* at Parsons. But they entirely omit shoes AND (shockingly) accessories from their curriculum. They had a millinery class, and a jewelry design class, but nothing beyond that.

Lastly, I took a look at SAIC's website, which is insane to try and navigate. They have a fashion program, but I was completely unable to find the required courses.




I mean, this is really just me living in a dream world right now, but it's an option for my future. Going to school would mean a three-year hiatus from any serious work in the theatre, and I'm not sure how that would turn out for me. I suppose I'll just have to see what happens.

focus

Every time I come here, all I seem to say is that I've been away, and that it sucks. So I'll tell you what's really been going on.

I've been working for the last... seven months. The epitome of the 9-to-5. (except that it's really 8:30-5:30) It's the longest I've ever spent continually in one day job. That should be impressive. That should also make you think that I'm happy, finally able to settle into one thing without changing my mind for a whole seven months!

Not really. The day-job is in the northern suburbs, which means I have something like an hour and 20 minute commute in *either* direction. Plus I'm doing a show (that I open next weekend!) so I never see home. I've been blowing all the money I make at this job on fast food (because I'm not at home to cook) and cheap thrills, because I cannot stand this life I'm living, but I don't see a way out of it, so I have to make it as tolerable as possible.

Nevermind that the $2000 credit card bill makes things kind of intolerable.


But I got kind of a wake up call recently. So I've decided to do something. To move my cemented feet. To stop *talking* about doing something different, and to start *doing* something different.


And maybe, just maybe, one of these days, I'll be able to get out of this cycle, and live for myself.